9 DaysTill The Man....

Holy shnikes. 9 days.

I am excited, happy, scared, nervous, all of those emotions racing around my brain.

I am scared and nervous because of the airplane ride. I am scared that Delta will strike and somehow my flight will get screwed up. I am scared that it will crash--yes realistically I know that it is a small chance. I am scared that if that were to happen, my son and husband would be lost without me, and angry for this act of self indulgence. I think before I leave I am going to write a set of letters to both Rob and Spenser on the off chance something were to happen. I am a glass half empty girl. It is my pessimism coming out full force.

I am also nervous about going to the concerts. I just want to have a great time. I am not quite sure how else to describe that. I want more then anything to have a great time. In times past when I wish and hope so much for something, it seemingly always turns out the opposite way. I just want to be dazzled! You know I know that I will be. This is the trip of a lifetime for me. And then there is this completely irrational thought in my overworked mind. What if I do manage to meet him? Please lord, don't let me act the fool. Please lord, don't let him think I am a hideous troll. No I don't expect to be thought of as gorgeous (ha) but I would also not expect or want to be thought of as ugly. Course he would probably not even notice me, looks or otherwise. See totally irrational.

I am so freakin excited that I will be spending time with my oldest friend. I have not seen her in a while. I miss her, and this will be a great time to reconnect! I also can't wait to see her Dad. Have not seen dad in about 10 years!

I can't wait to see all the sights, and do things without having to worry about the anklebiters!

I do however, feel guilty about taking the trip. I feel like it is an extravagance I should not be taking. I know my husband said it was my birthday gift, but even still, OMG, it is just such a huge thing. I am constantly thinking about how I could have used the money around the house, or on Spenser. Damn this catholic guilt!

I have not been able to drop the weight. Arghhhh. Despite the regularly working out. Despite the restricted diet. Despite doing everything one does to lose weight, it has not in fact happened. So I am trying to be happy with me the way I am. Not that that is an easy task. I think I could probably climb Mount Everest easier!

So 9 days till the Man. WooHoo!