Wallowing In Grief Until You're Pruney.....

So that is what it feels like at the moment. While I am sure I am not in fact wallowing in it, it sure feels it.

It still doesn't feel real. Looking at her in the casket, it didn't look like her. It looked like a wax dummy. The makeup was horrid. They put this pale pink lipstick on her, she never wore pale pink lippy. She always wore either a darker color, or a brighter reddish color. She would've kicked the morticians ass if she could have.

The casket was pretty, well for a casket. It was lined in pink satin, and very plush. She shall be comfy.

So of course my mind now wanders to her. She is in a wall with my gramps. Then I get morbid and start to wonder how long before she starts to decomp. Blech, I chase those thoughts away as quick as possible.

Mother's Day is not going to be the same. In fact it will suck major hairy monkey scrotum.

I am waiting for my mother to fall apart. The oldest siblings in my immediate family are leaving or have left already. So I am sure it will hit her like a ton of bricks later today. She is already displaying the anger. And it is totally irrational anger. She is ticked at her work for not sending flowers. Thing is, they could have sent a donation in to the St. Jude's hospital, but she will not even consider it. I guess it gives her something to feel besides grief. I don't know. I just think this week is going to be very hard for my mother. I am dreading it for her.

Later I shall describe the white trashiness that is certain parts of my family. Oh my god. I felt like screaming out at the top of my lungs---
"Hamilton called they want all of their idiots back." My apologies to Hamilton. It is bad. Oh lord it is bad.