Random Thoughts!

As I was running around today, trying to see if there were any good after Christmas deals, (there were not!)I popped in one of my favorite CD's. The CD in question--Other Ways of Speaking--Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts. As I listened to the words of the various tracks, it made me start to think. The track the CD is named for, is a very stirring song. The lyrics, to me are powerful, and everytime I hear it, I think of my husband.

We often say I love you, but we also do things for each other, that show, not just tell how much we love one another. Sometimes it is something that is a huge sacrifice on our part, sometimes it is just a small thing, that no one else would get.

I have been with my husband since I was 18. My whole entire adult life has been spent falling deeper and deeper for this man. I didn't think that even after you had been with someone for so long, you could still keep falling for them. I no longer know where he starts, and I stop. We are yin and yang. We are peanut butter and chocolate! I would be absolutely lost without him, and that alone terrifies me.

How is it that we become so dependent on one person? How is it that we have the capacity to love someone so deeply, that they alone are your reason for waking in the morning? When did I get so taken with him?

Was it when we first dated, and he would do little things for me, like tell me I was beautiful?

Was it when we moved in together and really started sharing our lives together?

Was it when he proposed to me in bed one night, no ring, not down on one knee, but just lying next to me, and asking if I would share my life with him forever?

Was it when I saw how much pain and suffering there is in his eyes when he goes through a rough time because of the bipolar?

Was it when he proposed again, with a ring, on one knee, in his mother's garden, because I asked him to?

Was it when we said I do, in 95 degree heat, outside, in his Mickey Mouse vest, and elegant tuxedo?

Was it the next day, when we found out I was pregnant and he was as excited as I was?

Was it when I realized how much he was worried about me when I was pregnant with our son?

Was it when I had gone through 27 hours of labor, only to have a c-section, during which I could feel them cutting into me because the epidural did not work?

Maybe it was when I looked over, in a brief moment of consciousness, and saw him holding our baby, murmuring to him, and seeing how very much he loved this little baby.

I think it was all of those. Everytime falling just a bit deeper for him.

This past year for me has been one in which, it seemed everything was stacked against me. I had three surgeries in less then 9 months. I had the two babies I loved as my own, ripped from me. I had my son diagnosed with something that no one really understands, and something I had so hoped he would avoid. Through all of this, he has been there for me. He has helped me pick up the shattered pieces of me, and glue them back together with his love and caring.

So yes indeed there are other ways of speaking. I am lucky enough to know that!

Lyrics to the song.

Other Ways of Speaking
(Cochran/Crowe)

I can't tell, if I want to know,
What's on your mind,
Should I just go.
It's a long way down from here
I better start with the stairs
It's a long way down from here

You know there's other ways of speaking
Words are just the deep end
I'm not good at keeping your secrets from you

But I can't tell, if I want to know,
What's on your mind,
Should I just go.
It's a long way down from here
I better start with the stairs,
It's a long way down from here

You know there's other ways of speaking,
I can read you when you're sleeping
I can feel you when you're breathing
And breaking in two

But I can't tell, if I want to know
What's on your mind
Should I just go.
It's a long way down from here,
I better start with the stairs
It's a long way down from here

You know there's other ways of speaking
Words are just the deep end
I'm not good at keeping your secrets from you.