What A Hot Flash Is Like......

So, since I have them every, oh I don't know, every ten minutes or so, I thought I would let you experience, through me, the wonder that is Hot Flash!!!

You are sitting at your desk, a little bit chilly, after all you are wearing a short sleeved t-shirt. You decide that, you might need a blanket, since if you put a long sleeved shirt on, you will burn up. You go get a small cotton blanket. You come back and sit down, put your feet up, and surf the web, or write an entry on your blog.

First, your head feels hot.

Then your back feels like it has been lit on fire, or at least that you are sitting next to something lit on fire.

Then your hands and feet feel like they may have had their own separate trip to hot spa, which is odd since before any of this, your hands, feet, and ass were always ice cube cold.

Then you feel the sweat start to roll. It rolls down your back--yuck.

Then you feel your scalp start to sweat, at which point you tie your hair back in an attempt to get a cool breeze on your neck. No dice. Tying your hair back, allows the sweat from your scalp to drip down your neck, and temples, and down your forehead. Double ick.

Then you feel the sweat from your back start to roll down your back.

Then your legs, more specifically your thighs, start to feel sweaty. You thank god, or who ever at this point you are at home and in dark jeans, because you are sure it would look like you have peed your pants, you are sweating that much.

Next, you feel your boobs sweat. There really is nothing like sweaty boobage. Nothing like rolls of fat, sweating and sticking to other parts of you. MMMMM.

At this point in time, you cannot stand it any longer, so you do the only thing you can do. You go out to the garage, which luckily has little to no insulation, and stand there, hoping to god, or who ever, that you can cool off.

You also briefly wonder if you actually have steam coming off of you because of the difference in temperatures between you and the air.

You stand out there fanning yourself, for 2-3 minutes. Then you start to feel as though, you may actually be cooling off.

You come back in, meanwhile the children look at you like you are nuts, so you quickly tell them you had a hot flash, to which they ask ---

"What is a hot flash?"

You very gingerly try to explain it is a curse upon women who are unlucky enough to have just the wrong amount of hormones floating around in their bodies. Not enough to do anything useful, and too much to do anything useful. You settle on--
"You'll understand when you are old like me."

It pacifies them, you are happy.

You go sit down for your last 5 minutes of me time before everything else that needs to be done, has to be done.

You feel a chill. Well hell, it starts all over again.

Repeat this process every 20 minutes or so, throughout the day. Day and night. All.the.freakin.time.

I no longer wear a coat. So then I get strange looks when it is freakin freezing out, and I am in short sleeves. So much so that I had an old man tell me

"Where is your coat, it isn't that warm out, " huff puff huff puff.

I felt like telling him to mind his own business, and thanks for the advice, but I just smiled/glared at him. Old fart.

And there you have the anamoty of one of my hot flashes! Betcha you are glad you came to read this, huh?