Post 201......

I feel blah today.
Yesterday was a relatively good day emotionally speaking. I was happy, and peppy, upbeat even. Today, notsomuch.

Got a phone call from my Dad. He is having a bad day. More to the point my Mom is having a bad day, which is to be expected. Sadly she took it out on my father. Told him she hated him. So not cool. Dad sounded deflated.

I don't know what to do. I fear that a variety of things will occur.
I have this niggling little thought in the back of my head, that maybe Mom should be put on suicide watch. Nothing really has happened to make me feel that way, just this general sense of the other shoe will drop, and when it does it is not going to be pretty.

Or if that doesn't happen, which I hope to hell it doesn't, I wonder how much of this shit my Dad can take. I love my mother, but she rages against my Dad much to often. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard her tell my Dad she hates him, or she wants a divorce, or that he is a hillbilly. I really don't know what to think. I mean I know she is emotionally abusive to him. He knows that. He just takes it. Not sure how or why he does. I guess because he has loved her since they were kids. I think Mom loves him to, but because she does, he gets to be the target. She needs serious help, and a cocktail or two of drugs to become "right".

Mom has always been that way. Always.

She was emotionally and on a few occasions physically abusive to us kids. I don't hate her for it. Mostly I feel sorry for her. Sorry that she refuses to get proper help. Sorry that she feels it necessary to take her shit out on others. Sorry that she has storm inside her that threatens to boil over on a daily basis. For better or worse she is my mother. I love her. I just don't like the things she does.

Thankfully she is the best Nana for Spenser there could be. I know she loves him, probably more then she loves me, but I know she would do anything for him. I know he is not in harms way with her. She would never hurt him. She has matured enough to know that if she ever so much as harmed a hair on his head, well she would have to face me. So why she can't put that maturity into her relationship with my Dad is inconceivable.

She is bipolar. One of the worst kinds--the kind that knows they are ill, but refuses to seek the correct treatment for it. She is on meds, just not the right ones, or the correct amounts. Hopefully she will seek help before I have to help her see the error of her ways. I detest having to be the more mature person in that relationship.

Being the middle child sucks--everyone depends on you, in some way or the other.