The Two Year Old Is Out To Get Me...

I swear the two year old male child is trying to see how fast he can drive me crazy. He must be going through a growth spurt of some sort this week, because he has been a nasty little bugger. Now, I love this child as if he were my own, so I am not picking on him, but my god, I think an evil twin has taken over.

He is just pushing the limits on everything. I guess it is being two, but damn. I swear if I asked him to be happy at this exact moment he would do the opposite. It is like aliens came down and replaced him with an alternate version.

Of course when he gets in trouble for doing what he is not supposed to do, he flutters his eyes and smiles at you. I am guessing this is code for "I didn't do anything." This of course makes me want to crack up most of the time. So I struggle to keep the stern, I mean business mister, face going.

Lately he has been doing this fake whine thing. I swear it sounds like he is going "Wahhhhhhhhh". Just wah. So when I sit him on a chair in the kitchen for a mini time out, he does that. Repeatedly.

"Mo, do not whine."

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Mo, the fake whine is annoying, please stop."

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (louder)

"Ok, if you don't cut it out, you will go in the pack n play for a real time out."

Looks around, bats his eyes, and:
"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

So I walk over silently, pick him up. At this point he starts the "No" mantra.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooooo"

I continue the silence.

"Nooooooo Wobyn!"

I plop him into the pack n play, and give him the last bit of advice I have:
"Sit in here quietly for one minute. I will get you out when the quiet minute is over. The longer you scream and whine, the longer you sit in here. Understand?"

"No!"

I know he understands. I know he knows what I mean. He just doesn't believe that I will follow through.

The screaming/whining/pleading begins as soon as I am out of eyesight. This is when I go back in and repeat the instructions. He looks dumbfounded. I know he understands. I walk out, again.

The noise of unhappiness continues. So I creep up to the door, stand so he cannot see me. I watch. The little bugger is sitting there, looking around, and screaming for the heck of it. No tears. No frown. Possibly the hint of a smirk on his face. So I stand in the doorway, and he jumps when he sees me. Looks as guilty as anything. I repeat the instructions for getting out of kiddy prison. This time he is quiet for the full minute.

I quietly walk in and get him out. Warn him that I can and will continue this all day if he continues to misbehave. Apparently this is seen as a challenge. Because 5- 10 minutes later it happens all over again.

This is what it is like to be invaded by the toddler body snatchers!