I need a vacation. By myself. So I can just be. Just exist in my own little world for a few days.
Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream, right?
I am positively happy school is almost over with for Spenser. Not because he will be home all day long. Not because he doesn't have to get up early. But because then I won't have to dread the damn phone ringing.
Anytime it rings, I feel like Quasimodo, shouting:
"The bells, the bells. Make them stop, the bells, the bells." Hump back and all. Well ok, in my case it is hump front, instead of hump back, but you know what I mean. (hey minds out of the gutter, I wasn't talking about humping, I was talking about humps, as in my ginormous mammories, wait, sometimes those lead to gutter thoughts too, damn)
I plan for this summer to be an outdoor summer for Spenser and I. Hopefully I will lose my Casper like appearance, without blistering. And Spenser will start to drop some weight, from activity other then game freakin cube. The meds are playing hell with his weight. The depakote makes him constantly hungry. It is killing me, but again, I would rather have a tubby child that is alive then a dead skinny child. Nice trade off I have to make. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Then I get to deal with my husband and his ever changing moods/cycles. Arghhhh. Let's just say that right now, I am not feeling quite so charitable to deal with the constant changing that is happening. You would think that after 13 years, I would be used to all of it. Well I am here to tell you that I am not, nor will I ever be used to the many different sides of Rob that come out of nowhere, or rather the back of his mind. Everyone is different. Everyone has its' own set of challenges. Everyone can drive me mental. Yes I love him. Don't get me wrong, my life would be worse without him. I just wish it wasn't so frustrating at times trying to keep up with his mood changes and Spenser's as well. Lots of work I tell ya.
So that combined with my current poor self image is really doing quite the doozy on me. I feel hideously huge right now. And not so attractive. I feel like I am one nose wart away from being toad faced. Yep the self image is definitely in the trash at the moment. Ack, ack, and double ack.
Oh well enough bitching I suppose.