Saturday, June 03, 2006

I Slept In!!

I got to sleep in. OMG, do you know how good that felt?

I slept until 9. It was heavenly. Absolutely heavenly. I had a cup of tea, with milk thankyouverymuch, and two pieces of toast with apple butter on them. Good lord it was good!

Last night was just awful. Spenser went round the bend on us. Rob was not feeling well, ear ache, and just not feeling good. So when it was bed time for the boy, he of course didn't want to go. Course he did not want to do anything that we said, but the sad truth is that that is normal for him. He fights me every step of the way, on every thing.

Anyway, he literally raged for a good hour last night. I tried to reason, I tried to plead, I tried to bribe, I spanked his butt (which I hate doing, because it is just such a last resort type of thing, that really tends to not work, so much as it might just get his attention), finally since he refused to listen what so ever, to anything I said, I ended up yelling at him and holding his hands down. That worked, some what. You might ask why I didn't just leave him be to do this on his own. Well I would have, had he just sat in his room. He would not sit in his room, he kept coming out, standing behind us, running around, punching his one hand into the other, you know the sort of look what I could do to you thing bullies do when they want to frighten you. He just would not go away from us to continue his rage. No he had to include us.

Anyway, after getting him to the point where he would finally listen, I stayed in his room with him, and tried to talk to him about his behavior. Shortly after that he told me he didn't want me to leave his room, he wanted me to stay. The mood flopped from mean and hateful, to sad and helpless. Sigh.

by now it was damn near 9:30 and when I came out of the boy wonders room, Rob was getting ready for bed, because he felt bad. I had no desire what so ever to lay down, or try to sleep, as I was majorly keyed up from all of the tension with Spenser.

I honestly do not know how much more of this type of behavior I can take. It is so very hard to have to try to figure out what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing when he starts a rage. It is very stressful, very discouraging as a mother, and just plain sucks. I need a vacation.

Since I know I have no other choice but to deal with this behavior until the day I die, because let's face it, as his mother, that is just how it is, I can't just up and run away. Not that I would, but the thought is ever so tempting. The thought of having no one to answer to. No one to have to worry about. No responsibilities other then the ones you want. Sigh.

Oh to not have to worry about the next meltdown.

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