Wednesday, September 20, 2006

And Life Goes On.....

Life goes on, even when it feels like it is standing still.
Life goes on in the midst of turmoil, and hurt.
Life goes on despite wanting it to stop for just a moment.
Life goes on even when you are at your lowest point.
Life goes on when you peak.
Life goes on when you don't feel like crawling out of bed.
Life goes on, when your world feels like it is crashing down around you.
Life goes on amid tears, and sobs.
Life goes on with giggles and laughs.
Life goes on on your worst day.
Life goes on when it isn't even fair.

There are times in life when it feels like the world is crumbling at your feet, your heart is breaking, and you can't possibly face anyone.

There are times when the only thing you can do, is paste on a happy face and go with the flow, because you don't want others to see what is really going on inside of you.

There are times when you cry, just because you have to.

There are times when you want nothing more then to be held, so you feel safe.

And then there are the times that others need you to do all of that for them. You have to be the strong one. You have to hold them, comfort them, be there for them to lean on. You have to take the worry from them, so they can get on with the minute, hour, day.

I was thinking today that although I consider myself very lucky, I am also very aware that I have a lot of challenges ahead of me.

I watch my son take three medication daily, two of those three, twice a day.

I watch the side effects of those drugs, ravage his body.

They blow him up like a balloon, and make him shake like he is having an internal earth quake.

They make him zombie like sometimes, with a look of absolute nothingness pasted on his face.

They make him tired one minute, and full of nervous energy the next.

The can take away his creativity, and his ability to think clearly and concisely.

They dull his senses.

If we are very lucky, he will not have his liver damaged while trying to help fix the damage in his brain.

If we are lucky, he will be able to cope with the side effects.

If we are lucky, he will not be made to feel as though he is somehow less a person because of this damned illness.

If we are lucky, he will be able to make and keep friends.

If we are lucky he will be a productive person.

If we are lucky, they will find a cure for this before he dies--naturally or otherwise.

If we are lucky he will not pass this on to his children, if he decides he wants them.

If we are lucky, he will find someone to love him, and care for him, even when he can't do that for himself.

If we are lucky, he will be able to tell us he loves us.

If we are lucky, he will not hate us for being selfish enough to chance fate when we decided to have him, and thus brought a child into the world who is severely ill.

If we are lucky, he will understand one day, that we are doing the best we can, even though sometimes, it doesn't feel that way at all.

If we are lucky, he will live through the day, and make it to tomorrow. If we are lucky, he will not kill himself as a teenager, or as an adult.

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