Friday, October 26, 2007

For Fun, Taken From Chud, The Idea, All The Suggestions Are Mine!!!!

For your consideration the recast of the Godfather:

Don Vito Corleone: Steven Seagal, because let's face it, he has the girth and the slurred speech that Marlon had. Only Steven doesn't have to use cotton balls in his mouth for the just been punched sound and look. It's au naturale!

Michael Corleone: John Cusack. Here is a man, who played a mostly morally apathetic, but yet still in a moral crisis contract killer, in one of the best movies ever, Grosse Pointe Blank. You just can't get any better then that. Not to mention we have the whole dark brooding one moment, and not so dark brooding the next.

Santino "Sonny" Corleone: Brad Pitt. Well, in the original Godfather, Sonny was a fighter. Had that sort of boxer build. And while Pitt isn't necessarily built like a boxer, he has been in Fight Club, and Snatch, which had a lot of fisticuffs. And the fact that he has that golden hair like Sonny, well there you go. And I think Pitt can do the I'm just this >< shy of nuts thing pretty well.

Peter Clemenza: John Goodman. He too has the girth, and the mirth, and the ability to go from a guy who looks like he is sweet as pie, to a real bastard in under a minute. Also the scene where Clemenza is showing Michael how to make sauce, well can you not see John Goodman in that position? Perfect casting.

Tom Hagen: David Caruso. Well Tom is an honorary Italian, but mostly he is a "good Irish boy". David Caruso is a leprechaun in actors shoes. And it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to see and believe David Caruso could be a lawyer, for the mob.

Captain McClusky: Michael Douglas. McClusky was a dirty cop, and wind baggy old fart. Need I say more?

Kay Adams: Maggie Gyllenhaal. Diane Keaton is a bit of an odd ball, but she did a great job playing naive in this roll. I think Maggie would be perfect, because she has that quirkiness, and can be naive as well. Plus the whole playing a mom and wife thing, she could do it easily. She is believable as a mother and wife.

Emilio Barzini: John Malkovich. Barzini was a backstabbing bastard. He was respected. He was also dangerous looking. Malkovich posses these talents wonderfully. He can play smooth, smarmy and deceitfully with enough grace that you really don't realize what a bastard he is until something big happens.

Jack Woltz: Dustin Hoffman. Jack Woltz was an ass. He was assy while trying to seem like he wasn't. Now look at the movie Wag the Dog. Hoffman played a producer. To me he was very believable. Hollywood producers seem to be little men who think they are big, and therefore have the ego of a giant, and the brain of a mouse. Plus seeing Hoffman wake up next to a horses head would be cool. Imagine the method acting on that one!

Sal Tessio: Ben Kingsley. He could go either way, meaning he could be an ally or a traitor. Sal, ultimately was a traitor, all the while acting as a trusted friend. I think Kingsley would be great in that role. Just look at Lucky Number Slevin--he plays a murderous Rabbi, how much more of a mixed signal can you get? A plus, he looks older, and Tessio was older, I mean hell when they filmed it Abe Vagoda looked 90, and he wasn't. I think Kingsley can cover that ground easily (not saying he looks 90, but the man looks older).

Fredo Corleone: Clint Howard. Fredo is semi-retarded, so finding an actor that was semi-retarded* and physically unappealing was a little more difficult then expected. However I think in Clint Howard, we have the right combo. He plays dumb so incredibly well, and let's face it the guy isn't a looker. A bonus, he has that whole losing hair thing that John Cazale had going on in the original.
(*no offense intended to anyone, but mentally challenged just doesn't have that same ring)

Connie Corleone Rizzi: Denise Richards. What I did, was search on google for inspiration "annoying brunette actresses". And of course only obscure actresses came up. Then it hit me. Who is the most annoying, not so smart brunette actress I can think of? Denise Richards. OMG, Connie Corleone was annoying as fuck. I wanted her to die several times through out the movie. Not to mention she eventually becomes what amounts to a strung out whore. Ding, ding, ding, perfect match? I think so!

Virgil Sollozzo: Any of the Baldwin brothers, except the born again christian nut case. Sollozzo is a slimy sob, and when I think slimy, I think Baldwin, except the born again christian nut case, and in his case, I just think, waste of space and hair. Seriously, can't you picture one of the Baldwin brothers sling heroin, and then knifing someone? Yep, me too!

Don Carmine Cuneo: Vincent D'Onofrio: Just going by what Rudy Bond, the actor that portrayed Don Cuneo looked like, I would say physically Vincent D'Onofrio is about the closest match, outside of Al Franken, you got. Plus you get that crazy look with Vinnie. And as we all know a little crazy goes a long way in the whole mob boss thing! Imagine the looks he could give as he got riddle with bullets in a revolving door, priceless.

Carlo Rizzi: Joaquin Phoenix. Wire-y, dark haired, greasy haired person who looks like he would just about beat your pregnant ass if you questioned his lack of appreciation for the dinner he told you to cook. He might also betray his own brother in law, after getting a well deserved ass whooping for beating said pregnant wife. Just the tiniest bit whiny as well, which adds to the whole Joaquin as Carlo pic

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