Friday, January 02, 2009


Life in 2008 was generally shitty. There were some high points, a vacation with friends, friends, not dying, my spouse not dying, my child not dying, etc. But it has been a year of struggle for everyone in my little unit.

Rob is still struggling with the beast inside. I watch and can't really help. He has fallen in love, which will be I suspect a long term, unrequited love. He got a job at a place that has a name that belongs on the building of an exterminator, and of course there are sacrifices that have come with that. He stopped his meds, without thorough thought of what might happen. Started them back, and then stopped again. And then started them again. Lots of ups and downs there.

Spenser has been fighting his inner demons, which have become more pronounced as time goes on. The culmination of which sent him to the hospital, via police interaction, and then finally to the pediatric nut hut for 16 days. Terrible for those around him. But ultimately it is what he needed I guess.

Me, I have gotten my sought after apologies from the parentage, and I am ever so thankful for that. I have tried to commit suicide several times. Have changed meds several times. Gained more weight then is good, or wanted. Lost my libido, which sucks. Lost parts of my marriage with Rob, that I may never get back. Lost parts of my relationship with my son, that I may never get back. Lost faith in myself as an artist, mother, partner, wife, and lover. Lost a love as well.

Hopefully 2009 will be brighter.


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