Wednesday, June 17, 2009

When Cletuses Attack....

1. adj./n. Tacky, country or considered backward.
2. The slack jawed yokel! 3. Also can be synonymous with hillbilly.
" Heeeeeey Cletus is it true it ain't right ta have relations with folks who ain't yer kin?"
"What's up Cletus?"
"Ain't chu ever done somptin that chu thought was gonna work, but turns out didn't?"

So yesterday, while I was out getting my errands done, the Cletuses next door, who were hired by the head Cletus (read: Landlord) to put a new roof on the house (next door), decided that after a whole week of rain, the ground must surely be tough enough to hold a 5 ton truck, 3/4 full of roofing materials, and backed it into my yard.

Why would said Cletuses do such a thing?

Well when tearing apart the old roof, instead of taking the 20 extra steps to pitch it off the front of the house into said 5 ton truck, they pitched it off the back of the house, on the deck and patio area. Therefore, there just had to be some easy way to clean up that there mess!!! Here is how it must have gone down:

I know, must have thought Cletus 1 to Cletus 2, I know just what to do.
Take that thar biggun truck,
and back it up, back it up.
Cletus 2 to Cletus 1 must have thought,
Oh that thar will be funnnn.
Cletus 3 feeling left out must have said,
Y'all ain't asked me what thought I have.
Cletus 1 to Cletus 3,
Yer just being a crybaby.
Cletus 1 to the the Cletuses 2
Come on boys this we gotta do!

So up they climbed into that truck,
Closed the door, closed it shut.

Cletus 1 at the wheel put in the key and let out a squeal.

Cletus 2 in the passenger seat,
pumped his hands and stomped his feet.

Cletus 3 on the ground,
looked around and made no sound.

Cletus 1 turned the key,

Cletus 2 let out a Squeeeeee.

Cletus 3 huffed and puffed.

Cletus 1 put it in reverse,
let off the brake and felt a jerk.
Pushed on the gas, and felt a move
There he thought, this is gonna be smoooooth.

Cletus 3 on the ground,
watched as the truck rolled through the edge,
of a carefully landscaped rose bed.
Cool he thought, well I'll be, I wonder if he will get that thar funny tree.

Cletus 2 clapped and smiled,
going on just like a child.

Cletus 1 revved the engine,
smiled some more and laughed and waved
tooted the horn.

The first few feet though squishy and soft,
the truck went back, didn't even have to be rocked.

A few feet more, the truck went through a landscaped bed,
of a bush that turns bright red.

Cletus 1 he turned the wheel,
gunning the engine, and liking the feel,
pressed down the gas,
and moved some more,
that was, until he heard a roar.

Cletus 2 stopped his cheering,
closed his mouth and said
watch chur steerin.

Cletus 3 began to run,
oh my garsh, look at the mud!!!

Cletus 3 to Cletus 2, looked and yelled
What are we do?

Cletus 2 to Cletus 1,
Damn boy this ain't no fun.

Out they hopped, they the Cletus 3
Stopping just short of a Magnolia tree.

Pacing and rambling
Rambling and pacing.

Cletus 3 had a thought,
Hey you guys, let's just stop.
Get yer shovel,
Get yer hoe,
Hurry up let's go.

Cletus 1 to Cletus 2
Damn, that boy knows just what to do.

The Cletus 3 with shovel and hoe, rolled up their non-existent sleeves,
and said, here we go.

Digging here,
Digging there,
But always getting nowhere.

The truck it sank, and sank some more,
Then Cletus 2 said
Let's get a board.

Get a board and rock that truck,
Move the mud and with some luck,
We can also move that truck.

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