Linkin Park
It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end)
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I
Chorus
I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know (2x) Chorus
Right now this song is summing up how I feel about life. I feel like I am trying to move a mountain with a teaspoon.
I feel like no matter what I try to do, I am always pushed back, and unsuccessful. I have to fight for every inch, and every inch is a fight. I feel like I am pushed to my very limit.
I should be excited about the NYC trip, but I am most scared, and feel guilty. I have so much going on in life right now, that I have no time to even think about me. And that sounds horrible and selfish. But every spare moment is spent worrying about my husband and my son. About their mental health, about the one's work, and the others school.
I am going to have to be a an advocate for my son, and it sounds like so much work, that I am afraid I won't see the light of day. I don't want to get bogged down in the small things and miss out on my son and his life.
Today we spoke with someone who has dealt with the school on the whole IEP issue before. I think her best advice was to make sure we keep in sight what we want for Spenser. To remind ourselves and everyone else what makes him so special. The great qualities.
Here are a few:
He is a sweet boy
He wants to please me, his father, and authority figures
He does not see color, he does not see handicaps, he sees the people.
He is smart, and funny, and witty, and charming.
He loves to teach younger children, and listen and play with older children.
He is creative and social, and loves to have fun, and is fun to be around.
He has a great sense of empathy for those around him.
He can be so silly and goofy, just to make me laugh.
So during the next weeks, months, and so on, I will have to remind everyone, including myself just how wonderful he is, and that the bipolar is not the whole Spenser. He has more positive then negative.
God help me, I am scared.
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