Intervention Meeting

I had hoped this day would never come. The day when I would have to have a meeting with the school about Spenser, and his issues. I fore see Spenser getting an IEP, so schooling will become more pleasant for him. I have no clue what has suddenly brought forth this child who hates school, and hates having to do things that occur in school. I am nearly positive the Christmas break did more harm then good. It was far too long, and he got used to being home. So now instead of being the hard worker I know he can be, or at least he used to be, he has become like a miniature teenager. He is rolling his eyes at the teachers. Becoming angry. Just generally not cooperating.

I am about sick trying to figure out what exactly I can do for him here at home, when he is at school. Threats of grounding, or punishment do not matter with this child, in fact if anything I think it makes him misbehave even more. I hate that I have to have him on drugs, especially when it would appear they are doing nothing. Only I know that if were not on them, it would be 10 times worse.

His teacher, gods love her, is just the sweetest woman I could hope to teach Spenser. She is so very concerned with him, and how to help him, it overwhelms me with the feeling that maybe we can find a solution to his problems. I also feel bad for her, that he is a shit to her. Lets face it, he can be a huge pain to deal with, and yet she deals with him and the other 25 kids in his class. He likes her. I think what he doesn't like is that she has to tell him what to do.

So I am majorly stressed. I feel overwhelmed, because I feel as though nothing I can do is going to work for him. I am on the verge of tears right now, just barely holding it together. I don't understand why this wonderful, smart, and sweet boy has to be ill with something that turns him into the worlds biggest monster at times. I don't understand why it is manifesting itself now, instead of later. Does this mean his bipolar is going to be that much worse? I am afraid I will lose my son to this misunderstood insidious illness. I can feel him slipping away from me already. It is the little things like him telling his father how much he loves to make me angry, or how much he hates me (and yes he says hate). I am not the perfect mom, I am oh so far from it, but I am not the worst either. Yet I feel like maybe I should just give him to someone else. Maybe someone else could help him more then I can. He is not all that close to me, never has been. Most days I initiate the I Love Yous. Most days I initiate the hugs and kisses. Most days, I feel like a failure as a parent. Obviously I am upset. I am sorry that this post is such a downer, but if I don't let it out, it will eat me from the inside out, and I will most assuredly get an ulcer if I don't already have one!

Any suggestions are welcome. I am hanging precariously here, trying to help my son, and not be one of those parents who blames ever tantrum on the illness. Trying to get my son to see me as someone who loves him, not his enemy because I make him adhere to certain rules. Parenting is nothing like I thought it was going to be. It so much more difficult.