Isn't it amazing what sort of things can put someone into a serious depression? Things that other people wouldn't necessarily think as important, but amazingly are important, at least to someone. Things that other people would not understand.
I started out being depressed because I lost my job, suddenly. I suppose no one really loses their job unsuddenly though, but I digress. Anyway that started the downward spiral.
I then started to think about the things I would have to give up since I was no longer bringing in any income. One of those things was the trip to NYC. I had to cancel it. This for the most part broke my heart. Maybe I am shallow, oh hell I know I am shallow, but this was something I was really looking forward to. I think much more so then I even admitted. I had all sorts of notions about what I was going to do whilst there. I was going to go to central park and take gorgeous photos of central park thingies. I was going to meet someone, who turned out to be a great person, and go out for drinks and dinner. I was going to meet another new friend, and just hang out. Mostly though, I was going to try to relax, so that when I came back to reality, I could better deal with things.
My husband being the sweet man he is, has tried to convince me to go anyway. As much as I would like to not give a fuck about money, and where we will be if I do go, I do care and I can't do that to my family. I wish I could be one of those persons who just doesn't care about money, and therefore can just do things with no other thought then things will work out. It has been my experience that things generally do not work out for the best. Things generally take a lot of hard work to be decent, let alone good. That my husband has been trying to figure out a way to get me there, makes me happy, yet depresses me all the more, because he feels partially responsible that I cannot go, when it is not his fault, at all.
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