Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Moving Furniture And Other House Bitchery Things

I have lost my wedding band. I am not amused. Yesterday after my shower, before I got dressed, I decided to put lotion on my legs since I just shaved them, and they were itchy. So I decided that I should take my rings off so as not to get them gunked up with lotion. As I am taking them off, as is often the case with me, I like slipped and dropped them, or fumbled them. They just sort of flew off my finger. Of course this caused an obscene amount of cursing on my part, because well, I just didn't want to lose my rings. That and kneeling down on a hard wood floor, whilst partially dressed is not my idea of fun--well at least at the time yesterday it wasn't. Heh.

So I get down an peer under the dressers. I see my engagement ring, but not my wedding band. Hmmmmm. I look under the bed. I look down the register. I look in the sheets. I look in shoes. In short I look every where. Cannot find the damn wedding band.

I get dressed and go grab Rob for lunch. On the way home I tell him I have lost it, in our bedroom and will need help finding it. No problem he says. We eat I take him back, and then go to Old Navy where I promptly twist my freakin ankle, and forget about the wedding band.

Last night we went out with friends and so did not get back until late. Which of course means, I did not get to look for my ring.

This morning I get the boy ready for school, while I assumed Rob was getting ready for work. When it got to 7:30 I was concerned that he might have fallen back asleep, but he walked out. He got the boy on the bus and then took off to the bedroom with the broom and dust pan. Of course I think this odd. He comes back out and tells me he has moved the dressers, to look behind them to see if my ring flew back there. Of course since he moved it, he got to see the rare species of Dustus Rhinoceros Underous Dresserous that live under and behind dressers. Hence the broom and dust pan.

He goes to work and I set about cleaning up the said dust rhinos and looking for the freakin ring of doom , as I now refer to it, since it is doomed to never be found. Well being that I have a sickness in which I must move furniture every so often or I go insane, I decided now was the greatest time to do so.

The dressers are about four and a half feet tall. Then I have a long dresser that is about 4 feet tall, but like 6 feet long. Oh yeah I also have a 32 inch TV in there as well. All of this will be moved. I am of course a short shit. I am all of 5 feet 1 inch tall. I don't weigh a huge amount either, I am currently weighing in at about 132. The TV feels like it must weigh 200 pounds. The dressers weigh that much too, or at least they feel like it. So as you can imagine, I am pushing and shoving with all of my might. I take the TV down from the tall dresser and put it on the smaller longer dresser. I manage to set it on my finger. It hurts. I decide rather then scream profanities, since a precious 2 year old is here today, I will mutter in coherently.

I get finished with my furniture juggling. I sweep up. I wipe up. I am done.

No ring.

The ring has vanished. I feel a little like Gollum now, chanting "My precious" over and over as I frantically search for it. Yep. I have lost my mind.

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