I Have Tempted Fate....

I wore white jeans!!!!

Yes, I have called out to fate and said:

"Screw you, I shall wear the white pants. And they shall stay white."

Or something to that effect.

I got a pair of white jean capri's at Target yesterday for like 6 bucks. Could not pass that up, as I can always use new pants. And since these were only 6 bucks, I certainly could not refuse them!

I love getting good deals like that, makes my pathetic little day.

I did start taking vitamins again, mostly so my nails and hair will be healthier. Vane as I am. I think I am becoming more vane as I get older. Which is somehow wrong, yet it is something I think I need to be at the moment.

I am concerned that I look good. That I am a decent weight, that my shape is a good shape. I just want to be able to know that I look good, and not like a troll that is supposed to be under a bridge somewhere.

I don't know why. I just know that it feels good to be noticed. And be noticed I have been, well at least a little more lately. I guess since I didn't get this attention when I was younger, I am now actively seeking it out.

I was asked last week if I had money, would I get plastic surgery.

I think the questioner was expecting me to say yes, but to some sort of procedure for my face. I would not carve my face up into so many pieces.

I would go for a tummy tuck, and if scaring could be avoided, a breast lift. Not a reduction, or augmentation, just a lift to let the girls see what is in front of them, rather then always having a view of the floor.

The tummy tuck, because I have had a few abdominal surgeries which have left my belly a mess. I know I would be at least a size smaller if that flap of scaring skin was gone. The one side hangs down farther then the other. It is uneven and in my opinion hideous. I hate it, and am always worried that even when dressed it is noticeable. Rob assures me it isn't.

I still see it. I see when I am dressed just as clear as when I am not dressed. And no I don't preen naked in front of the mirror, because frankly I hate looking at myself in the mirror. If I could get away with not having any mirrors, I would. Alas, one needs mirrors to make sure they do not appear clown like when they put their makeup on. Double edged sword and all.

Sigh. Why, oh why can't I have the self esteem that others have? I forgot, because I am a nobody, therefore self esteem isn't needed. Well not a lot of self esteem is needed. Yes my body image is currently in the crapper. Ack. And double ack.