Thursday, July 20, 2006

Anybody Want A Slightly Used Seven Year Old?

Cause I am about to see if the circus wants him.

My god the child knows all the buttons to push, every last one.

I guess the uppage in dosage for the abilify has done little, so now I am trying to eek him through until next Friday. Not going to be easy.

I fear I may have to run away, because he has me crawling to the edge of my sanity.

This totally sucks.

I wish he were normal.

I wish I didn't have a child who is so exhausting to me.

I wish my child for once would just give a little and not make things turn into WWIII.

I wish I could be the mom that knows exactly what to do when to do it, and not get ruffled by his fits of crazy.

I hate that he has bipolar this early.

I hate that it is this bad already, because that pretty much means it is going to be worse as gets older.

I hate that he will most likely drive away his friends because he is a constant ass towards them, and therefore will have a very lonely life.

I hate that no one really seems to understand how hard it is to deal with this day in and day out. Until you live it, you will have no idea.

It doesn't help to give me advice like, ground him, don't ground, take his game cube, don't take his game cube, etc., etc., etc.

Believe me short of beating the child I have tried everything.

Spank, no spank.

Ground, no ground.

Ignore, not ignore.

Reward, no reward--nothing works.

He just doesn't give a rats ass what happens to him. He thinks he is invincible, untouchable, that nothing will hurt him. He thinks everyone should scurry to do his every whim. In short he has a huge god complex and it pisses me off.

He can't even take responsibility for picking his nose. Seriously.

I some times think it was a horrible idea for me to reproduce.

That I should have been smart and stayed the crazy happy aunt of many, instead of the barely able to take care of, frazzled mother of bipolar boy.

I am not saying that I wish I didn't have Spenser. I would never say that, but I wish I didn't have the struggles I do have with my child.

I do not feel close to him, at all. I don't have a connection with him. Never have, and most likely never will. I really don't feel like his mother, or at least what I think feeling like a mother should feel like. Which sucks, since all I ever wanted was to be a mom.

So today as you can guess, he has behaved poorly, and I am at my wits end. As I told my hubby, I want off this ride, I am done with it. Too crazy for me anymore.

No comments: