Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Don't Hate The Player.....

Hate the game.

So the old saying goes. Old being relative and all.

So I was taking my shower this morning, when this very phrase popped into my beady little brain. It would appear as though I have been played, by someone we shall call A. Nonymous.

There was a time when I would have sworn that A was a stand up sort of person.

A swell person indeed.

Funny. Wickedly funny.

Kind, very kind. A's word of wisdom when I was distraught were a kind of salve for my soul.

As time went on, I though that I knew A, maybe a little more then I did when we first met, but obviously not near enough to consider A a best buddy type person. I felt oh so special. Like the golden child, all shiny and happy.

We had a fun little relationship. One full of wit, and jokey goodness. Coated in a layer of silky smooth suaveness.

It was a break from the norm. A much needed boost for my faltering ego. A fine time had by all, and the list could go on.

And then all of a sudden, with no warning, rhyme or reason the wit and jokey goodness, coated with a layer silky smooth suaveness, disappeared.


Poof, presto change-o. Gone. Leaving a dirty, wrinkled wrapper of a relationship to flutter into the abyss. Never to be seen again.

So I began to ponder what I did to drive A away.

Was I too forward?

To clingy?

Not pretty enough anymore?

Did I piss A off because my reality interfered with my plans of fantasy?

Why was I no longer privy to the special goodness that was?

Did A get their jollies and decide enough was enough?

How would I find out?

It was never as if I could ring A up for a bit of a chat. I was cut off and in the dark. It sucked.

So I stewed. And thought. And festered. And stewed some more. Thought more, and longer about what is no longer. There is only one conclusion, which I hope will be proved wrong in time. Otherwise I am a lousy judge of character.

Turns out, or at least it would appear now, that I was played.

At least that is how it feels at this moment.

My emotions and head were in fact a toy with which A could freely play with. The worst part was that I allowed this to occur.

I always in the back of my mind, had the sneaking suspicion that this was not real. That what was happening was somehow a huge freaking joke, played on me, because I am naive.

Over and over I asked if I was being toyed with, if I could trust the budding friendship. Over and over I was told that yes I could trust, and that I was in no way being played with.

Oh to actually listen to my gut.

So lessons I have learned are this:

The game sucks.
The game player generally sucks.
Do not trust anyone named A. Nonymous.
Always go with your gut.
Make sure you never put more of yourself out there then is needed, because people will take, take, take.

And never get so involved that when you are dropped, you feel as though part of you were lost.

Life kicks my ass yet again.

Life: 555 points
Robyn: .5 points

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