Monday, August 07, 2006

Why The Universe Must Hate Me....

As you all well know, I have no air conditioning right now. You know this because I whine about it, because I am H-O-T, hot. And not just in the looks department either! Ha.

Anyway, today it was decided that I would get two window units for the interim, because it fucking sucks trying to sleep when you do nothing but sweat. Go to Sears and get two ac units. Small units. Bring the bloody bastards home. Try to install so i could get some relief.


About three years ago, we got new windows in this house. Let me just say all in all they have been nice. However I am very pissed off at the windows right now. I know doesn't sound sane at all. But trust me, it is all of their fault. Stinking, rotten new windows.

This house must have been designed by monkeys dropping acid, and then built by monkeys who had dropped the acid, smoked a joint and drank a fifth. There is no other explanation for the size of windows, and sliding glass door in this small house. Really.

Most of our windows are sliders. Which totally blows where an ac unit is concerned. Those types of units are hideously expensive and a pain to install. We have two regular up/down windows. Two.

So that was where the ac units were going to reside.

Yeah, I swear the world hates me, and the universe wants to screw me over regularly.

So I tried to install one of the units.


For an hour.

To no avail.

The windows are not the correct size for the units. Plus, I would have to drill into the window frames themselves to actually secure the units. So not gonna happen. So did not happen. So not fucking fair.

In the process of figuring this out, I:
cut my arm multiple times bled like a hemophiliac in a razor blade quality control room;
cut up the top of my knee, which bled like I had rug burn from dubious deeds;
cut up the other knee, like road rash from being dragged behind an HVAC truck;
scratched my other arm up, so I look like a freakin junkie with track marks, nice;
and fucked up my back, like a moron who jumps into a shallow pool head first.


I am now officially allowed to curse a blue streak, because I am cranky, sore, tired and hot.

Why am I tired?

Spenser slept on the couch last night because it was the coolest area in the house, since I had the back slider open. So in order to keep the cooling effect, the door had to be open all night. No freaking way was I going to let the bipolar wonder sleep out there by his lonesome like that. So I got the floor. Not good for my back. So I didn't sleep, so much as doze all.night.long. All the while sweating like a pig on a spit over a fire.

Did I mention hot flashes really suck when your house is 90 degrees?

So if when you read this, you got a warm and sort of fuzzy feeling, it isn't because it is a heart warming tale I tell. It is because that is the excess heat from my house seeping out through the Internet. The fuzzy feeling is heat stroke that accompanies the heat!

Hope ya like it!

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