Even though I am in a lot of pain today, more so then in the past couple of days, I have some energy. So I am cleaning, which I am sure I will regret later, but damn it, I just can't sit anymore.
I have been pondering my life lately. Not living and dying, but how I am living.
I want to live well. I don't want to have any regrets, ever. Obviously that is near impossible, but I would like to get as close to that as is humanly possible.
What does that mean though?
Well, I am not sure. All I know is that I am trying to be the best person I can be, even if that means that I have to give up some of my happiness. My shrink would not be happy to hear that. But I can't help it. I want the people around me to be happy, even at my own expense. So if that means I go without something, while it would suck initially, I would do it.
I am trying to be a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good lover, a good daughter, a good person. It is something I just feel the need to do. Even though I am not sure exactly what that means, but it is some sort of resolution type thing.
I have no fucking clue what I am talking about, obviously, but hopefully people can get the gist of this.