Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Unordinary Life I lead

Not extraordinary, just not ordinary.

You see my husband and I have an unconventional relationship. We are completely honest with one another, to a fault sometimes. We talk every day, about everything, and even though it is not easy all the time, we work most things out without too much trouble.

I have been with him since I was 18. My whole entire adult life. I wouldn't change it for the world.

He is supportive of me having many friends, and having alone time. I hope I am that way with him, I like to think I am. We are open with each other. And I think how lucky I am with what I have!

So I am watching a dear friend of ours who is having a very rough time, torture himself.

I can tell he does not feel worthy of love, or fun, or even the simple pleasures in life.

He has been told repeatedly that he isn't good enough, doesn't do enough, is selfish, and has anger issues.

This from my perspective, couldn't be farther from the truth. He has catered to those he loves, to the point that he no longer can trust himself to have fun, without feeling guilt.

He puts everyone else's feelings before his, and feels guilt if he does something for himself. He constantly tells me that he is a burden, when he vents, or when he asks for help, which is rare, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

All of this came to the surface when his wife declared she no longer wanted to be married to him, didn't love him, and was ready to move on. And move on she has.

Now he is left to pick up pieces of a life he had no idea was going to end. And he can't seem to trust himself, or his emotions, because he is so used to being placed last, and told what a dick he is.

I also think he now has issues trusting women, so when I tell him that he is a good man, that he is good looking, because he is, that he is supposed to have fun, I don't think he really trusts what I am saying.

And why would he? The person he expected to spend the rest of his life with, took that trust and broke it into tiny little shards.

I am heart sick for him. Just completely heart sick.

I wish I could make him feel the way Rob and I feel when we are together, that feeling of being loved completely, warts and all.

The feeling that even though you are not perfect, it's ok, and it's ok to be a little selfish sometimes. And having fun, well having fun is a good thing, not something to feel guilty about. And that traditional views aren't necessarily right all the time.

That sometimes, things are right when they are outside of the norm. That things are never, ever black and white, there are varying shades of grey.

And that he has nothing to be ashamed of, or feel guilty for. For he is only human, and that means having faults. It means that no one is superman, or will ever be superman. And that we all need a little help now and then, and that is ok.

So if you have a minute today, remember to tell your husband, wife, who ever is in your life that you love them and treasure them. It can make all the difference in the world.

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