So on Thursday I am going in for surgery. This kind of surgery:
I am scared, yet not. I just want to it to get here, so I can figure out what the fuck is going on with me. The pain is just pissing me off now. I have dealt with it for so long now, that even though it hurts, I am somewhat used to it.
I am of mixed emotions. I want them to find endo, because they can burn it out, and then it will have not been me going crazy, or imagining things. But if it is endo then that means there is a good chance it will come back. Or I will have to change my hormones. Or any number of things.
And then there is the hope that it is not anything. Except that means that it is all in my head...which is not good.
On a totally unrelated note, I heard from a friend I have not heard from in a while. They seem a wee bit depressed, which worries me. I am hoping they are not. However i suspect they are. I wish they would come here, and I could take care of them. I for whatever reason have the need to take care of others. Especially now that Phred is not really wanting anything from me. I feel like I can't do anything for Phred, because Phred will take it the wrong way. Argh.