Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Today Is Better!

Suffice it to say, Monday was a bad, bad day for me. Just wretched. Rob forgot, or rather thought he had taken his meds Sunday evening, when in fact he had not. That is about as disastrous as it can get. Not pretty.

Any way, I have had a lot on my mind. A lot about Rob, and a lot about a certain someone who is very special to me. I think, and Rob knows this, that I love him. The special person that is. I am also in love with Rob.

Yes, I love two men. I didn't think it was possible, but it is. However, my friend, who I shall call Phred, is in a not optimum place right now, and has asked to back off.

Which about broke my fucking heart.

Phred said he didn't know how he felt about me, which is never what one wants to hear. He did say he wants to still be in contact, which is fine. I told him I would rather have him as a friend, then not have him at all. If that makes any sense. It is hard though.

This is the only person besides Rob that I feel this comfortable with, that I have things in common with, and just generally want to spend a huge chunk of time with.

Yep, I have fallen for him, maybe not as deeply as I have with Rob, but still the feelings are there. I just hope he can come to see that it doesn't have to be a one or the other type thing, which is one of the issues Phred is having.

He just is not used to this type of relationship. Wasn't brought up with this, not that I was, but still. I have lived my life for the past 15 years as an open life. One in which if things happen, that's ok, so long as I am honest with Rob, and vice versa. I just hope he can get to the point where he sees that it is ok to love more then one person, and sharing is something that can happen.

Ok this is way more private then I intended, but I am to the point where I no longer care if people know. This is me. This is who I am. Who I have been, and who I will always be.

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