Monday, August 27, 2007

Adios Summer Vacation, Hola Third Grade!

This summer has flown by, so fast, it isn't even funny. It seems like just yesterday they were getting out of school for the summer, and we were getting ready to go to Florida. Yet it also seems so long ago. Sigh.

So Spenser is going into the third grade. I am hoping that he loves it. He is very excited about it, which I think is an awesome thing. He hasn't been this excited about school since getting ready to go to kindergarten.

Last Friday he had an eye doctor appointment. He ended up getting glasses, which he loves. I am happy he loves them. You know some kids hate the idea of having to wear glasses. He has been wearing them non-stop. And I'll be damned if he isn't just the cutest thing with them on.

Today I have to take him to get his hair cut. He has grown his hair out over the summer. It is very shaggy, I just want it shaped up a bit. Not completely cut off. He looks good with longer hair.

Things with Phred are, well different. I think he has come to accept, maybe not accept, but he knows things are done between him and Mrs. Phred. All that is left is the paper work to dissolve the Mrs. part. In fact she is moving out, and he is staying in the hacienda. He has been at the same time more affectionate, and also sort of shying away. I just don't think he knows what he wants. Which sucks for me, but more so for him. I can't imagine that being conflicted like that is all that pleasant. I am trying not to be demanding or too overwhelming. However, I want what I want. And I am not good at waiting. In this case, however, I have been I think, extremely easy going. At least on the surface.

It is difficult. I feel like I am an actress. I act the way I am supposed to in front of others. In front of Phred. And then I fall apart when I have time to myself. My mind constantly runs. Hell even with the help of Ambien, I am having a hard time sleeping, or even falling asleep. And add to that I have dreams that well, are weird, or scary, or about certain people, subjects, and themes, and I rarely feel rested.

I have come to the conclusion that I will always wait for Phred. Do what he feels like, when he feels like it. Sigh. Because to me it is better then never having the chance of anything happening, and I truly care for him.

God my life is like a fucking soap opera, eh?

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