Tuesday, December 11, 2007

So, Once Again, I Am Trying To Get Into The Photo Biz....

Rob found me a couple of places to submit photos. I have done one major shoot and one mini shoot in the past couple weeks. I have the edited pictures for the major shoot to the recipients, so I am golden there. I have the shots from the mini shoot almost all the way done. Now I am needing more inspiration.

I had someone tell me that they don't believe in being blocked--writers block, that sort of thing. Thing is, I do. I have been blocked lately, and it sucks. The only way to describe it is to say I haven't been able to find the camera in my head. Normally I can look at any situation, and find the photo. Lately, I have had the hardest time. I think I am becoming unblocked, because I am finding more things that I think will look good in photo form. Who knows. I could just be whacky, scratch that, I am whacky.

I am going to the shrink today. That should be fun. I actually look forward to the sessions, because I have someone who gives me feedback, who is not intimately familiar with me, as in he is not a part of my life other then to give me meds and info. So the validation I get from him, is very very helpful. I feel raw mostly.

I have stopped taking the hormones, at least for now. I may go back to them, it all just depends. I don't like that I am as bloated as a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float. I don't like that I have hot flashes, even though I am taking meds that are supposed to help that. And mostly I don't like that lately, I have had more blemishes on my face, then I have had in years. The script ran out. So I am stopping, until I am feeling bad enough to start them again, or the doc insists I take them.

I don't know if I have been having panic attacks, but my heart has been fluttering something fierce the past week. It is like a butterfly is trapped in my chest, and I can't breathe. It is scary because I think worst case scenario I am having some sort of cardiac episode. Because along with the fluttery, it hurts. I guess I should go to the docs. Meh, I don't want to. I will be told the same thing, that it is time to see a pain specialist. Because yet again, I am flaring on the abdomen pain. Maybe it is all related. All I know is it sucks, and I know if given the chance I would become addicted to pain pills. I just know it. So no pain specialist for me I guess.

Yep I am rambling. I have to go pick up food for an after funeral reception. Our friends father passed away last week. And this was the least I could do. Saw him in the casket last night, and he looked nothing like the man he used to be. He was literally hollow looking. Had I not known who it was, I would have had no clue. It is strange. I am not particularly religious, but I can say that once your life leaves your body, you no longer look like the person you were.

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